Things I am Unlearning In My Twenties

There is something obscure about going into your twenties that makes you question everything you thought you knew. A strange in-between, knowing that you’re not a child anymore but you also don’t know who you are becoming. You see the world in all its cruelty and you just have to accept it.

Lately, I’ve been thinking about life. I’ve put myself under so much pressure to try and understand the weird world of adulthood. However, life isn’t just about learning, its also about changing your old ways. The unlearning of comparing, hoping and moving on. We waste so much time thinking of others and who we want to become rather than sitting back and thinking about who we are now. Who are we in this very moment. It’s learning to love your old life and accepting you need to let go in order to grow a new one.

Here is a list of things I have chosen to unlearn in my twenties. Not because I’ve figured out the mystery of life or because I accept it, but because in order to move forward and become who I want to become, I need to create space for new opportunities.

1.      Unlearning The Pressure of Having My Life Figured Out.

Life isn’t about having everything figured out. Nothing is set in stone, and I think there’s something freeing about accepting that. We shouldn’t put so much pressure on our lives to figure out who we are, what we want and where we’re going. We put so much of our time into thinking all these uncertain thoughts that we forget to enjoy the simple ways of life as it is now. Some things don’t need an answer straight away. In due time, things will begin to make sense.

I don’t want to waste anymore of my life thinking about who I am becoming. I support goals and wanting more for yourself, don’t get me wrong. But I don’t want to spend years worrying about where I’m supposed to be that I forget to appreciate where I am.

2.      Unlearning the Guilt of Putting Yourself First.

Life is about always choosing yourself. Your main job in life is to look after you, do what's best for you and you alone. Yes, it's okay to think about others sometimes, but you need to look after yourself. In order to live the life you want to life, you have to be selfish. I don't mean disregarding other people's feelings or taking more than you give, but be selfish enough to choose yourself.

Many times growing up, I put others needs before even considering my own. In order to be a 'good person' to others, I neglected myself. I want to learn to live a life that I am proud of. Not a life that makes sense or that will be approved by others. You're allowed to change your mind, to take up space, and walk away from things that no longer serve you. You don't have to justify every decison or reasoning for what you do. Some might not understand, nor will they ever, but that's not your problem to fix. I don't want to waste precious time doing what makes other people happy, that I forget what makes me happy. So, if it takes being selfish to respect myself and love the life I am living, then that's how it will be.

3. Unlearning The Need to Hold It All Together

I think one of the hardest things about growing up is realising how much pressure we put on ourselves to be okay. We have to take everything that life throws our way with a pinch of salt because 'It will get better'. We just have to keep moving forward because somewhere along the way we learned that being strong means that we don't let anything affect us. I am slowly unlearning that this is the case.

Being vulnerable doesn't make us weak, but it makes us human. I don't have to turn every difficult experience into a lesson straight away. I am allowed to cry for days, weeks, months if I wanted to. I don't have to pretend to be okay because I don't have a reason why I'm not. Life is overwhelming and uncertain. What if I give myself permission to have the bad days at full? The world won't end. I can be grateful for my life and be trying my best, even if it means I don't always have full control. I don't want to be constantly trying to prove to myself that I can handle life in all its might. I don't have to have everything figured out before I allow myself to breathe.

Let It Be.

These are the things I am learning in this chapter of my life. It is scary to not have everything figured out, laying in the abyss of not knowing. But looking up, I see at light; hope, opportunity, new beginnings. I yearn for a life of peace and certainty, but that's uncharted. So, moving forward, I will look back and remember the good old days for how they were. But I will also be able to turn my head and continue moving forward without the weight or added pressures of having everything figured out.

So, I'm giving myself permission to be a little more human. To stop expecting myself to handle everything perfectly. To ask for help when I need it, to rest without feeling guilty, and to accept that some days will be harder than others. I'm learning that I can be proud of how far I've come while still acknowledging how much I'm struggling with it.

To Life,

I don't need all the answers. I am ready to embrace the unknown. However a little heads up would be nice next time...

Love,

The Work in Progress x